Lamictal’s Kill

Posted bySine Pari PoetPosted inAlone, Artist, Black Box Warning, Black Hole, Blood Oxygen, Broken Heart, Carbon Dioxide, Chaos, Confusion, Convolution, Death, Depression, Doctor, Doctors, Dying, Emergency, Family, Flowers, Hallunication, Happiness, Heart, Heroin, ICU, ICU PTSD, Illness, Inpatient, Intensive Care Unit, Kiss of Death, Kurt Cobain, Lamictal, Lawsuit, Life, Literature, Lonely, Love, Medication, Meds, Mental Illness, Mental Patient, Mood Stabilizer, Mystery, Neurology, Nightmare, Novelist, Poetry, PTSD, Relationships, Sickness, Soul, Spirituality, Strength, Suffering, Suicide, Suicide Survivor, Survivor, Uncategorized, Violence, Writers

Imprisoned by Fear’s Flight

Opiates Sped me right

to My Life or Death Fight.

Carbon Dioxide lungs

cried blood oxygen

level declined.

Sunlight perished inside

of my neurologically

abnormal mind.

Restrained.

Intubated.

Comatose.

Nights Mar

My Suicide

Failed Soul.

Internal Peace

WILL never last

This too Shall Pass.

The Pendulum’s Swing

Repeats Beneath

My PTSD Wounded Feet.

I made a fatal suicide attempt on May 16th, 2013. I was unconscious and intubated in the Intensive Care Unit at Morristown Medical Center for 7 days.

I fought for my life and with help from Above, I survived. Today I celebrate the anniversary of my survival as a Second Birthday.

I am Ayesha.

I Survive.

I am Alive.

Published by Sine Pari Poet

In Arabic, Ayesha means Life--I am Woman--of Poetry, Poetic Prose, Photography, and the Creation of All of My Dreams, all of which end in Artistry. I have often been referred to as Enigmatic and Magnetic, but also Selfless ("to a fault"). Some call me an "m-path" because I am highly compassionate. I sincerely hope that you enjoy all that I have to offer. Thank you for taking the time to Read Me. I am Proud. I am Ayesha. With Love, Ayesha R. Gill عايشة رامازاً جل

8 thoughts on “Lamictal’s Kill”

    1. I appreciate and approved all of your comments… unless at that time I was so extraordinarily hurt, by everyone, that I was not able to understand what you had said. I did endure brain damage from the 7-day coma. I was in a grinder bound and gagged. I kept pulling myself out of an induced coma because I was being separated into 3 pieces by a manically manipulative madman who was up and at a control panel. I was trying to rip out my intubation tube and I was thrashing so while unconscious I was restrained. Even my thumbs.

      Reality was mimicked in my coma. There was no light. There was no escape. I thought I had gone to HELL. And 7 days later I awoke with a scream and I thought that it was a few hours later on the day I took my life. How incomprehensible. I can never say the extent of the True Trauma that I have endured and continue to endure.

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  2. Lovely prose. I’m glad you’re still with us.. you’re too pretty to die.. As someone who lost a loved one to suicide, (see one of my posts..) it’s not worth it for the ones you leave behind..
    Also, if you’re going to wake up in a hospital, at least it’s THAT one! I had major back surgery there… and of all the ones I’ve been to (which is a lot!) that’s the best! I too was in a coma.. Good food though, excellent staff.. and a freakin hair salon in house!
    That’s the Rich Folks Hospital.. unlike the one where I grew up.. you go in with a cough and leave in a body bag! Avoid Bayshore Community at all cost!

    P.S.- you wrote “fatal attempt” and I understand that you were clinically dead for a time, but I’m curious… did you mean “futile attempt”? (Yes, thanks for the very excellent critique! I’m going to use your edit. It’s the right word… futile.) Not to be a nit picking editor.. but that might sound better? Just my opinion… there is no right or wrong in poetry.. that’s the beauty of it all.. 😉 you have Creative License.. lol..

    I should start printing that… hahaha.. (I’ma graphic designer.. not that you’d know it looking at me..) Lemme know if you want one.. 🙂

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    1. I just read this. I felt so dejected that I did not even check my own site and Passion of Life from 2014 until today.

      You understand ME. Completely. I am so sorry for your very personal loss. How are you doing these days?

      I’m a wonderful friend to those who are Honest with me. That’s an invitation. I’m currently being hunted by law enforcement because my name is the wrong name and I have the wrong face. U think they are afraid that I see and speak The Truth.

      9085790926 I desperately am in need of A Friend.

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  3. P.S… not to be an editor, but did you mean “futile attempt”? Fatal attempt would mean you’re actually dead.. like right now… I get that you were near dead, or clinically dead for a moment, but maybe you mis-typed? or it’s intentional… in which case, my bad… irregardless.. lovely prose.. and in the future.. you’re too pretty to take your own life.. I know the feeling.. (well..) but as someone who lost a love to suicide..(it’s one of my posts, btw..) it’s not worth it for the people you leave behind… just sayin’…

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    1. Using your perfect edit. Please always feel welcome to comment and say anything and everything that you mean.

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  5. Glad you’re still with us… and if you have to wake up in a hospital.. at least it was THAT one! I had my back surgery there… (they cut into my GUT to get to my back AND had to cut into my back ANYWAY! Plus my hip.. so they could put a sliver of it in my spine..) Anyway… that’s a does hospital.. food was good, and they have a freakin hair salon in house!! That’s the Rich Folks hospital.. unlike the one where I grew up.. you go in with a broken leg and leave in a body bag… lol.. Bayshore Community.. AVOID AT ALL COST!!

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