I am Upset

Jot down the first thing that comes to your mind.

I just never, ever feel good and it is not as if I am asking for happiness or joy and it is not for the lack of gratefulness or the inability to live in the moment (which I do not have). All I seek is to be in full control of my actions and to just be. I just wish I could feel content but it is complacency instead, of which I do not morally approve. I feel and am behaving in ways that even I disagree with. I have (without a choice) been breaking My Own Moral Code. What could be more frustrating than this? I do not want to know….

My Abba (father) passed away on Easter morning. He was the only person on Earth who understood me completely. Now I am inconsolable.